Looking Back On My Injury

          This week marks the anniversary of my birth, but this time it's a little different from the previous years. On the night I turned 26 many of my thoughts were filled with the tragic accident that changed my life forever. On November 18, 2013 a piece of glass severed my leg down to the bone.  It has been a year since the incident and oh how my life has changed. This is my story...

           Now I don't want to go into too many details but, in the middle of the night (in the dark) I bumped a poorly placed picture frame on the wall. Upon trying to regain my balance after stumbling I stepped and landed on a perfectly angled piece of glass that severed my leg.  I went to the hospital and waited over 12 hours to have a orthopedic surgeon perform surgery on me.  Once I came too and the doctor came in to explain what was going on I got the news about the damage.

(My OP-report)
Postoperative Diagnoses:
1-  Right calf laceration
2-  Right Achilles tendon laceration
3-  Right perineal tendon, peroneus longus and brevis tendon lacerations

The doctor told me they also found pieces of glass stuck in my leg which were removed.  The doctor was very straightforward with me and explained that he wasn't sure how things would turn out in the long run, but he said I would be very lucky if I ever walked normal again. I stayed that night in the hospital and went home the next day.  It was one of the most agonizing "sleep overs" of my life. No amount of pain medication could ease my suffering and the more they gave me the sicker it made me feel.

          The months following the accident were uneventful because I couldn't move very much due to  the pain or because I fatigued easily, but it was eventful in the sense that I didn't know what was going to happen with my recovery.  I went through many episodes of anime, doctor visits, multiple casts and LOTS of physical therapy.  They initially cast my leg in a pointed toe position to allow my tendons to heal easily.  However, this made bringing my foot/ankle back to a normal position extremely difficult.  So difficult that a year later I am still having trouble with the way everything has fused back together. If I sit for too long or when I wake in the mornings I walk "zombie status" until it warms up.  The only difference I have noticed in that respect is that more recently my recovery time during "zombie mode" has improved immensely.

         So I bet your wondering how everything turned out?  Well I learned to walk again and yes I had a nice limp for a while, but eventually I learned to walk normal! At around three months post surgery I got a walking boot and started moving around without crutches.  I also started physical therapy at this time and worked my butt off for months.  Side note: I have a manual car so learning how to drive stick shift again was super nerve-racking and difficult! At about five months I was able to walk pretty well and "graduated" from therapy.  Also I started to do auto belay at my local rock climbing gym around this time. After about a month of that I started bouldering easy stuff and routes that weren't too high. Once I became a little more comfortable I started pushing myself on harder routes, but still tried to stay on the ones that didn't go as high.  As I started noticing the defects in my climbing I began doing more strengthening exercises with a new physical therapist again until about a week ago.  My climbing ability is somewhat stifled due to the fact that my injured leg can't handle heel hooks or when it's required to do big moves off little toe holds since the functionality in my toes hasn't fully returned. Also my leg won't tolerate aggressive shoes because my nerves are too sensitive thus I wear two different shoes. On my good leg I wear Dragons and on the other I wear my Anasazis that are sized a little too big.  This actually surprises lots of climbers and they seem to always ask me why.  Sometimes I feel like they just mention it to me because they think it's a fashion statement haha.

        Fast forwarding to a year post surgery here are some specifics.  Pros-- I now can hike, run on any type of surface with no pain, climb decently well, stand on one leg and do calf raises, walk on the tips of my toes, and other physically demanding activities. I know a lot of these things seem easy to people, but trust me when you sever as many tendons and muscles as I did it is extremely hard and frustrating to learn how to do it all again. Cons-- I still don't have the best range of motion in comparison to my other leg, my toes don't have full functionality, can't feel portions of my leg/foot and not sure when/if the feeling will return,  the parts of my foot I can feel are super sensitive and uncomfortable, I have nerve damage that is painful and frustrating to deal with on a daily bases. However, when I put it into perspective the cons are somewhat trivial since the pros seem to overshadow them tenfold.

        While I am extremely grateful to my family for their help, after I got better they told me that I was what they like to call "a success story" because the doctor told them (while I was still asleep after surgery) that I would probably never walk normal again and that athletics most likely were going to be out of the question.  My family chose to keep this from me and while I understand their reasoning I somewhat resent the fact that they didn't tell me.  Yes, they were protecting my sanity, but withholding something like that just seems, cruel.  On the other hand if I would have known would I have recovered as well as I did? Or would I have recovered even better?  These are questions I have thought about more than just a few times. Either way I am grateful for their love/support because I know they wanted to do what was best and I wouldn't be where I am today without their help.  I don't know how or if I will ever be able to repay them.

          It has been a year now and I am able to have a normal life and experience all the things that I used to enjoy! If I could go back of course I would not wish for it to happen again, but it did give me many positive things other than physical activity.  I feel that I can accomplish anything I set my mind to and no task is too big.  I have gained confidence in myself and a more appreciative outlook on life and the things that I have accomplished thus far.  Life has become this big world of opportunity and I would love to share my experiences and what I have learned so that others can benefit from it.  Many people don't know what it's like to feel genuine depression and uncertainty, but I promise just keeping a reasonable outlook on life can make all the difference.  After all, everything is about perspective. Nothing matters or doesn't matter unless you give it weight.  My leg could have turned out so much worse, but it hasn't and hopefully it never will.

          If anyone has any questions don't hesitate to ask! I hope this can help someone in need of a little push or a better perspective.  Life turned out great and I am a better person because of all the hardships I've had to face.  I've attached a few pictures taken by friends or myself below to mark my progression. Enjoy!

Firs look at the damage (about 2 weeks after surgery)

Playing with my puppy

First time walking without the support of my boot

Finally scab-free

Jumping off a cliff after some deep water soloing

Doing a bicycle move on my new project

Doing a painful heel hook move

Trying to reach for a hold with my foot way out right.

Glass Cuts Through Tendons

(Doctor's Visit Numero Uno)
   
So just to recap, November 18, 2013 a piece of glass cut through my leg. It severed my Achilles tendon and three other tendons, which left my leg with a decent size cut/scar. I want to document all my major points during my recovery so I can look back on this experience and remember everything I went through.  Also, who knows, maybe someone else could relate to my experience and take away something positive from what I have to say. So here it goes....

    My first visit to my orthopedic surgeon was quite stressful to say the least.  I had not seen my cut since the night of the accident and I constantly wondered what it was going to look like.  I wondered if it had made my leg look deformed, if I was going to be able to walk normal again, if I would be able to feel my foot again, because at this point I couldn't feel my toes all that well, which frightened me more than I thought it would.  Plus on top of all this worrying I was in so much pain you can't even imagine.  The cut itself didn't hurt, unless you directly put pressure on the area. Or maybe it didn't seem to hurt because it was so overshadowed by the relentless firing of my nerve endings trying to find each other. The constant firing of my nerve endings was almost unbearable. The only way I can describe it is imagine your foot had been asleep for a very long time and you were trying to wake it up. You know, the pens and needles type of feeling that's really uncomfortable, but thankfully it passes quickly.  However, imagine that feeling just 1,000 times more intense, unyielding, and on top of that like someone was lighting a small match at random points all over you foot at the same time. Needless to say I didn't sleep well for MONTHS. Okay, getting back on track... Finally after a little over two weeks with all the new sensations and thoughts I got to see the doctor and hear what news he had for me.

     The doctor walks into the room with my father and stepmother there. He sighs and starts asking me questions about how it was feeling and we exchange meaningless chit chat.  Then it comes down to the real part, taking off the splint and bandages for the first time since surgery.  I was so anxious my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. After what felt like forever he finally got everything off and this is what I saw.....

     I was speechless once I saw it.  All that registered was the scary look of the staples in my leg and my calf muscle, which was already starting to atrophy.  I just turned away and put my head in the corner not able to speak.  I honestly just wanted to be left alone, but the doctor was busy talking about how well it looked, which I thought was all lies. I mean look at the picture. It looks freaking crazy with all the staples in it and the skin bunched up.  Then the nurse came in and removed all the stitches and staples. I still continued to feel overwhelmed and just laid their with my face towards the wall silently crying. The thought of, "this is really where I am at this point in my life", was extremely depressing.

    The nurse then led us into a different room where she attempted to re-position my foot and cast it.  They had put my foot into a pointed position so it would make the healing process easier on the tendons.  However, this made bringing my foot back to a normal position extremely difficult.  It took her and the doctor to pull my foot even slightly toward a neutral position, which felt insane for me. It felt like they were going to rip my tendons apart and my leg was going to snap.  That was one of the most frightening parts of recovery. Sometimes though looking at my doctor gave me a bit of relief, well comic relief. I say that because he looks a lot like the dentist from "The Hangover" haha.

     Anyways after they put my leg in a light blue cast I left and my sensations became even worse. I can only assume it was because of the new tension put on my tendons and muscles. However, it felt better for my ankle to be out of such a pointed position. This visit was by far the most intense and the most anxious I felt out of all the visits.  Thinking about it now even makes me feel a bit anxious. PTSD I've unfortunately learned is a real thing.

And with that, I'm out.
--Butters--
 

   

Traumatic Injury

     So I know that is the most bland title in existence, but it really does accurately describe my experience.  I wanted to write about it just to keep things in perspective for myself, as well as to let other people know (and see) what happened.  It is not your typical injury and I was definitely one of those people who didn't think something like this could happen to me.  So, this is what happened on the night of my birthday... Yay -_-

     On the night of November 18th I decided to turn in a bit earlier then I wanted because I had school the next day and my T/TH classes were really intense.  So after I had been with my friends for a casual birthday hangout at the house I called it a night and went to bed.  Around what I think was about 2AM I woke up and had to use the bathroom.  So I got up... worst mistake of my life.  I should have just held it!  I took one step out of bed and hit a picture frame with my shoulder that was hanging on the wall, but lets back track for a second.

     On my side of the bed there is not much room between the wall and the bed. I kind of have to shuffle sideways if I actually want to walk alongside the bed and this picture frame in particular was in the worst spot.  Prior to the accident I had knocked it over numerous times.  I would just leave it on the floor for a while until my boyfriend or I would hang it up again.  Just wanted to clear that up for those of you who think it was a drunken spoof or whatever else you wanted to come up with. Alright, back to the story.

     Upon hitting this infamous picture frame for the last time I can only imagine what had actually happened because it was in the dark, but based on the cut and the picture frame afterwards I came up with this...  So the frame fell when I hit it with my shoulder and broke, but when I tried to step again the glass had separated from the frame and when I stepped it was just at the perfect angle to kick my butt. Well I guess "kick my leg" would be more appropriate, but that doesn't sound right O_O.  I somehow then managed to fall forward and slam into my boyfriend's drum set and land back on the bed.  Somewhat startled I thought I felt something ON my leg and so I reached down with one hand and it felt weird.  So I used the other hand to feel as well. I felt something wet, then pain and panic started to set in.  Since it was dark in the room I had no idea what to expect.  After I started screaming my boyfriend's name and he turned on the lights I got to see.

     I saw what you only see on the internet, but this was real and it was happening to me.  Once I saw it I immediately looked away.  It was almost as if to say to myself, "this did not really happen" or "it isn't that bad", which unfortunately neither of these circumstances were true.  Then what happened over the next hour or so, I remember happening in minutes.  I looked away from my cut for some mental relief only to lift up my hands to see them and my arms covered in blood.  It almost felt like a scene from a horror movie.  I didn't pass out or go into shock, but my whole body was shaking like you can't even imagine.

     After about an hour and a half I arrived at the hospital.  The people in the ER were all gathered around trying to clean my wound and decide what to do.  Whereupon I got the glorious title "Worst Injury of November" and they wanted to take pictures because they said, "medically speaking, this is awesome".  So after the paramedics and security guard officially freaked me out with how I almost died, I ended up not getting taken care of in the ER and had to go to a private room and wait for over twelve hours to get surgery.

     Once surgery was finished I was told that the glass cut through my Achilles tendon and three other tendons. During the surgery they were able to put everything back together.  I was also told that two pieces of glass (one big and one small) had been embedded into my leg and those were removed as well.

     So for those who are interested, that is what happened.  It should be around six months before I don't walk with some form of a "gangsta limp" and around nine months to a year before I am able to function properly in my normal athletic routine.  I have tried countless times to tell people a fake story for a good laugh that was so ridiculous they would know I was not telling the truth, but to be honest I can never do it.  I just seem to regurgitate the real story over and over.  So for those of you who are curious as to what happened or just wanted to see a picture there it is.  But I do caution you, it is a graphic picture.




YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

And with that, I'm out.

--Butterzz--